I’m an unashamed dog person. From the day I was born my family has had dogs. First a black Labrador, then a barking mad beagle – collie – Heinz 57 super mongrel and now a succession of greyhounds. It’s never been remotely practical to have my own though, so I’ve spent many an idle moment over the past decade staring wistfully at passing mutts.
So, when forming our house-sitting double act I happily signed-up as the dog expert. Cats were Mel’s domain. Having never had cats they’re something of an unknown quantity to me. Friends apparently had them but I never saw them, just the associated parapehnalia, litter trays, bowls etc. I had no animosity towards cats, merely an uninformed ambivalence.
Mr Ginge does not allow ambivalence. Mr Ginge pursues affection with ruthless, single-minded determination. It’s like the Terminator chasing Sarah Connor. First he spots his target. A heads-up display overlays his infrared vision with affection-related information.
Potential for affection – 87%
Affection target area – left hand
Weapon of choice – the headbutt
And then he moves in for the kill. A low rumble emanating as he closes in, staring intently at his target before unleashing his signature attack – the headbutt. At first you try to ignore it, but you soon learn resistance is futile.
You can’t ignore Mr Ginge, you can’t hide from Mr Ginge.
He is the feline Chuck Norris.
And he’s bloody brilliant.
Once I’d established – with some reassurance from Mel – that he wasn’t trying to kill me we got along famously. Several times a day Mr Ginge would approach, headbutt my hand, headbutt the iPad in seeming annoyance it was distracting my hand, and then settle down to be stroked. Well, I say settle down. There was a degree of him stabbing me in the leg, chest and – most painfully – nipple, but it was all affectionate. I hope.
And it’s not just Mr Ginge I’ve fallen for. He’s done sterling work for all cats everywhere. Our new charge, Catty, is brilliant too. A tiny cat with a bellowing meow that seemingly emanates from a creature ten-times her size. Meow is massively inadequate actually. Mmmeeeerrrooooaaaarrrreeeoooowwww is probably more appropriate but a bugger to spell.
It’ll never catch on but cats just might. Turns out they’re actually pretty cool.
Thanks Mr Ginge.Tags: cats